so something has been killing my blog-mojo lately. i have intentionally avoided blogging and can't put my finger on exactly why. this new blog has never felt very homey to me...i liked my old one much better, and even though i could spruce this one up to be like the old one, i just haven't been able to justify the time i would need to spend on something that has been a downer for me lately. i read other peoples' blogs and have continued to reap enjoyment, knowledge, wisdom, and laughter from them...and yet i feel so gosh darn inadequate when i sit down to write...so i just skip the whole thing entirely. i don't want to waste anyone's time...and as an approval addict (recovering), blogging is a ridiculous format and requires thick skin and an "i don't care what you think" attitude, which i seriously lack. I DO CARE!! too much...and when there's no back-and-forth (as there would be on say, facebook), i feel like my writing is being launched into space...(and no, i am not soliciting comments). as an english teacher i would teach students to identify their audience when they would begin a new piece of writing...and yet blogging presents this random, wide reaching, and varied agenda-ed audience that i may or may not know personally. that actually sounds frightening! atleast on facebook i have a bit of control over my privacy...anyway, i am going to try to push through this blogging-funk and post again, as we have had a busy and fun summer (which i completely failed to document on here). so here goes the most recent fun thing...
tonight we had photos done by our friend shandon (of lifeprints by shandon) and i captured a few of my own before we started. we were all pretty excited to be in the swamp and actually ON the field. the kids were WILD (if there were anything more emphatic than caps i would have used it). they were running and jumping and grabbing each other and walking in front of the camera when it wasn't their turn and just oozing energy out of every pore and crevice of their beings. all four of them were like this. this is when the words "epic fail" come to mind as a parent, because here i am in front of someone else with seemingly NO control over my children. and (thanks to the new becky bailey book i have been reading about conscious discipline), i was keeping my own frustration and anger in check so that i would not provide the kids with a million non-examples of what to do when someone is driving you crazy. i kept smiling and working with them, but gosh darn it if i didn't need a stiff drink afterwards. but instead, we went to mochi (as the dangling carrot for good behavior--a line they walked all evening) and those little jokers had the nerve to complain that they didn't like mochi and why did we have to come here and other mind-numbing nonsense that i chose to forget. they are in bed now and i am enjoying breathing deep cleansing breaths :)
they stood still long enough for a group shot...this was before they got all sweaty...and i forgot a hairbrush for the girls...c'est la vie, right?
my sweet 8 year old...this is the current smile we get in pictures from her. it's 92% genuine and i'm not sure what she is doing with her mouth. but it captures where we are at right now, so i don't try to force anything else out of her
these two have bonded lately. i hear them playing together more and more and they aren't crying or tattling nearly as often. they hug after school--unprompted by me-- and have been sharing war stories from their many escapades playing star wars wii...
this kid...so old...getting a new helper hand (the process begins again on tuesday). he has grown much more articulate as of late (and yet still bursts into tears when he is overtired and doesn't get his way)...but he has also become much more independent...
and here's miss thang...again she has told me that i am not in control of her (which we discussed in the bathroom at satchel's today, as she needed to hear that mommy doesn't want her saying that anymore (truth hurts)...she requires finesse in my mothering (which requires more sleep than i get) so her hijinks alone leave me rather worn out by the end of the day...but she also swallows life whole--she takes big juicy bites out of life each day and describes them in full color--"mema (what she calls me), today was TOTALLY AWESOME!!!" complete with hand gestures and batting eyelashes
and my little moon--who asked me the other day why i called him that. i framed it like he was little when he was in orbit all the time (although i left out the part about it still being true). he is so full of questions---what-if questions that are unanswerable. i just plain don't know what will happen if cars had no widows at all or if our car went shooting up to the roof upside down...and he keeps asking...i admire the curiosity and the thirst for knowledge--and this kiddo retains it! he truly has the memory of an elephant! which can work for good or bad, depending on what he is recalling...
i really dig this photo of us...i can't wait to see what shandon comes up with as she always amazes me at her artistry. not to mention the fact that she uses photoshop and can turn me into a twenty-something :)
all in all it was a great night--but complicated to categorize, as all time spent with my kiddos is fraught with super high high moments and super low low moments and every shade in between. todd and i look at each other a lot, just trying to bear the moment together as we absorb all of the unfiltered verbal spillage of four little people who we are trying to raise properly. parenting it NOT for the feeble...not for the lazy...not for the faint of heart... i continually must keep the future in my sights to make sure the present looks as it should...although they are constantly challenging me to be a better mother, a better wife, a better friend and a better person in general, i enjoy the journey and i eagerly await the day when their eyes look into mine as they parent their own little kiddos and i see the undeniable look of understanding and empathy (much like the look i have given my mother MANY times now)...until then, i suppose i'll just keep blogging :) cheers!
